Our Ugly World Pushes

Our ugly world pushes
back the butterfly in its
cocoon.

This haiku does not follow the 5-7-5 or 3-5-3 format and I wonder if we can twist the rules. Will it still fall under the category of haiku?
What about haiku that are translated? They are not 5-7-5 in English. So why do we follow the 5-7-5 format?

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31 responses to “Our Ugly World Pushes

      • Dear Tarun, I must disagree with your poster about this being haiku. Although it is a lovely verse, what makes a haiku separate from other forms of micro poetry is not the 5/7/5, but it must have a definitive aha moment. The first two verses or the last two verses would form a sentence, but the final verse whether in the beginning or the end of the haiku should be independent of the other verses and should not be part a sentence. Does that make sense? I am trying to be helpful. I have studied haiku for some time and this appears to be a problem throughout the internet that I see. When no one is being told any different they continue using the same pattern. I am glad someone very constructively and kindly pointed this out to me. So please do not take any offense to my critique as it is in the spirit of goodwill to a fellow poet. If you would like to discuss it further or you have any ideas about it you would like to discuss with me, I would certainly be amenable…Blessings, Jennifer By the way, you are more than welcome to read any of my haikus as I would love any feedback from my fellow poets here:)

      • Thanks a lot for the feedback. I will certainly read your work. What I would want from you is that can you read my work and comment… so that I can find and learn this art.

        Once again thanks a lot for the feedback and support. Waiting for your comments. Thanks

      • You are a true poet Tarun…It is not easy to critique anyone for fear of offense, but what creates great poets is having a thick skin…believe me I have been treated rather roughly by some writers. You obviously love haiku as much as I do. Many times I work on a piece for hours trying to perfect it. It can be the most challenging… We can learn from each other ๐Ÿ™‚

  1. Great questions. These are questions that someone who is ready to explore haiku beyond syllable count would ask and that’s exciting. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Of course you can twist the rules. If by rules you only mean the 5-7-5 or 3-5-3 syllable count then I beg you to twist the rules at least once in a while. And yes, it will still be haiku. It will probably be better haiku.

    Haiku is not just forcing 17 syllables into 3 lines of 5-7-5 or 3-5-3. There is way more to it than that which makes it way more challenging and way more fun.

    We follow the 5-7-5 format because this is what English school teachers have erroneously taught us that haiku is. They never taught us the other traits that haiku has that is more important than 5-7-5. Kigo, juxtaposition, brevity, subtly…these concepts all matter 1000 times more than 3-5-3 or 5-7-5 in the serious haiku literary circles.

    Keep writing, keep questioning, keep learning. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. PS. I highly recommend you read Green Specks link. Graceguts.com has loads of articles on the fine art of writing haiku. I learned a lot there and keep learning. We also post a daily haiku on Facebook. They are not an easy lot to please and they will give some haiku some feedback but not always. Feedback is usually given in the form of “likes.”

  3. For me, the syllable count is the least important component of what makes a short poem a haiku. Read all you can about the form and particularly how the rules change for writing in English. I love the way you are starting to experiment with breaking out of the syllable count but I also like that you are challenging the reader with an interesting twist! Read and keep writing!

  4. I don’t remember I have followed 5-7-5 or 3-5-3 consciously. On occasions, I might have erred;) Creativity can not have bondages. Haiku is all about creating a moment with as few words as are possible while keeping essence intact.

    Great thought.

  5. I am new to haiku (since Feb 1) and new to the Carpe Diem community. I go by the guidelines of not worrying about syllable count. I love what you wrote and feel it deeply as well. I share that sentiment. Your haiku is haiku to me ๐Ÿ™‚

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